Wes Kao is a master marketer and previously was the co-creator of the AltMBA. Wes works with CEOs and their teams to design, build, and launch the first version of a new product or line of business. She has worked with clients like Poo-Pourri, Morning Brew, and Professor Galloway at NYU Stern. Wes explained what insecure vibes are and how to conquer them, how to mentor yourself, and lots more. Here’s her story!

On insecure vibes:

• Insecure vibes are subconscious clues and signals that you might be giving off when you really want something to work out, but you’re not sure if it will
  • Important to control your insecure vibes so that they don’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy
• You don’t give off insecure vibes 0% of the time or 100% of the time, so it’s important to recognize when you are giving them off
  • Find a friend you trust that can help point it out for you
  • A good indicator is when you feel yourself overcompensating or getting defensive
  • Insecure vibes can also come across in your writing
• Insecure vibes often arise when you think someone is going to say no
  • This often leads to fast-talking and addressing objections that haven’t even come up
• If you notice someone else giving off insecure vibes, reassure them that you are listening with a blank slate
  • Assure them that you aren’t skeptical

On the right amount of context:

• It’s important to give the right amount of context when you’re asking for advice because you don’t have an unlimited amount of time to get advice
• Often times we give too much context because we feel that it is necessary for the person to fully understand us
  • The problem is that you can actually never give enough advice for them to fully understand you
• A better way to ask for advice is to mention the upcoming decision that you have, then they have the important context to actually give you valuable feedback and advice
• Remember that you can always share more context if the person needs it
• Have an assertion of some kind – tell them your plan, idea, or hypothesis – so they have something to push back on
  • You can get more specific, actionable advice this way

On mentoring yourself:

• The honest reason that we want mentors is because we want deniability – we want someone to tell us what to do
• Mentoring yourself is an important skill because this mythical mentor that we idealize doesn’t exist
  • At best, mentors are situational
• There are two ways to mentor yourself
  • First, channel your heroes
    • Ask yourself: If I asked my hero this question, what would they tell me to think about?
  • Second, think about what you would do if you were truly and utterly alone
    • Asking for feedback from peers can become a crutch
    • You are already in your own head, and will continue to be for the rest of your life, so you might as well learn how to have more productive conversations with yourself

On spiky points of view:

• A spiky point of view is something that you feel strongly about, that is rooted in your experience and personal expertise, that someone else could disagree with
• Spiky points of view are important because they are incredibly unique to each person
  • It’s a combination of your experiences, skills, personality, instincts, and thoughts
• By sharing your spiky point of view, you share your thought process and rationale about your industry
• A spiky point of view is rooted in evidence but is not a universal fact or proven truth
  • You have to be okay with people disagreeing with you – if everyone agrees with you, it’s not a spiky point of view
  • It should provide people a new lens for thinking about things and teach people something new
• Spiky points of view can also help you stand out in job interviews

Following and supporting Wes:

• Check out her website: WesKao.com
• Follow her on Twitter: @Wes_Kao
• Subscribe to her newsletter

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